Wish me luck.
As many of you know, I grew up in a very conservative and sheltered Christian environment. My dad was the faithful pastor of the small community church I routinely attended, along with all of my siblings. I lived and breathed ministry life; volunteering for the worship team, children's activities, and even mowing the lawn. I went on mission trips and volunteered at Bible camp nearly e
very summer. I was homeschooled and had little to no exposure to peers or adults that were not Christian until my late teens.
very summer. I was homeschooled and had little to no exposure to peers or adults that were not Christian until my late teens.
Like most of you, there are elements of my childhood that I cherish and elements that I wish had been different. I love my family fiercely and deeply respect and value my parents and the choices they made, even though I may make some different choices if I have a family in the future.
My journey as a young adult has been messy. There have been seasons where I wanted nothing to do with my family, nothing to do with God, and nothing to do with life. As I have been exposed to so many environments and people outside my original belief system I have wrestled with serious doubts, skepticism, bitterness, and honest questions regarding what I was taught about God, the world, humanity, and so much more.
My struggle with a life threatening eating disorder and the ups and downs of misdiagnosed mental health issues have called into question so much of the "happy clappy" image of faith and the world that I internalized as a child. As a sensitive soul I have always cared deeply about all things alive and beautiful and hoped for the best and brightest outcomes. The transition to adulthood has left me grappling with the weight of pain, evil, hatred, trauma, and brokenness in "the real world." My heart has been so heavy as I have absorbed and processed the events of the past few years.
I feel my soul has only recently found a reprieve, and I am savoring a newfound passion and hope for this complicated adult life. I am sharing my thoughts with you from a position of openness, love, and deep respect. I request that you would extend the same to me.
In my wrestling through what I believe (not my parents, not my churches, not my friends, not my colleagues, not my mentors) I have gained these understandings...
#1...that this is a process that we all face at some point in our lives. For many, it happens in early adulthood as one separates from family and place of origin. For most, the process is not a "one and done" experience. In fact, I believe that a healthy individual will continue to evaluate, challenge, and grow in their beliefs many times in a lifetime.
#2 ...our perspectives will vary largely based on our past personal experiences, especially our knowledge and our resources. For example, some of the issues/topics I am passionate about include my faith, a healthy relationship with food/body, mental illness, sexual trauma, feminism, and foster care/adoption. I have formed/changed opinions and beliefs around these topics because I experienced something that challenged and/or impassioned me.
#3... that challenging and reevaluating long-held beliefs and opinions takes great bravery and humility. Learning to listen with intentional openness and kindness towards someone or something you disagree with is not for the faint of heart. This process invites you to make the vulnerable statements of "I was wrong," "I don't know," and "I'm sorry."
We are living in a season of polarity and hostility among so many people groups and ideals. Social media feels like a minefield to me as I navigate relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances all across the spectrum of beliefs (politically, religiously, environmentally, relationally, etc). Humans are complicated. Even in the most tight knit groups and cultures you will find variance, small and large. One may agree with someone passionately regarding one issue and disagree vehemently regarding a different issue.
Our multitude of opinions are based on our core beliefs including (but not limited to):
the world (organisms, history, science)religion (afterlife, deity, morals)our humanity (value, purpose, relationships).
The way you vote and take action politically, pursue a career, interact with other living beings (humans, animals plants), respond to emotions, and build your unique life will mirror what you believe to be true. I recommend taking time out of your busy (or stagnant) schedule to ponder, question, and name your core beliefs. Then ask yourself, "What do my actions and opinions say about my core beliefs? Do I need to make some changes to realign with what I actually believe to be true?"
Here's the thing.
I'm a Christian. My faith is very important to me. I have wrestled with what I believe through the lens of my personal experiences and my core beliefs. I am still questioning, still challenging, still working out the details of what I believe in the complexity of life. I do not claim to have all the answers. I acknowledge that I could be wrong in many areas. After all, I am just one human in a world of billions attempting to work out what I believe. Who's to say that I nailed it? When I die I may find out that I have been wrong all along. Or maybe I won't find out anything because I will simply cease to exist. I honestly don't know with 100% certainty. But I do know what I believe given the hand I have been dealt and the information I have evaluated. Just like you.
I know that we don't agree on everything. That's ok. In fact, it's healthy. We need a world of diversity in thoughts, experiences, and passions. Even if I believe your perspective is wrong, it can be healthy for both of us to rub shoulders as we wrestle it out for ourselves. We challenge and sharpen each other. If we are open, we can become wiser, kinder, and better informed. There is potential for great beauty within disagreement.
There is also potential for great harm. When we approach each other from a place of pride, bitterness, and hostility the only thing we fuel is hate. We dehumanize each other. We replace dignity with violence. We do not learn or grow or mature, we harden our hearts and limit our ability to love. Now, I am not saying that there is never a time to break ties or set boundaries with someone (or a group of someone's) in order to maintain your integrity. Many issues do require us to take action, speak up, and sometimes fight for what we believe to be true. But the reason that we choose to engage in the fight or cut ties with someone are significant. For example, are we coming from a place of integrity and love, or are we desiring control and power?
As I pondered all of this during the past year I found myself drawn again and again to consider my beliefs surrounding humanity. Who are we? What is our purpose? What drives us to do the things we do? What is our value? What is our function? ...Is it all meaningless?
I look at the world around me and I feel the gravity of evil and pain. I see humans with no regard for kindness and love. I see senseless trauma. I see arrogance and immaturity. I see physical and emotional damage. I see (what I believe to be) a world horrifically broken by what Christians call "sin" or, what I also call "the choice to separate ourselves from God." I am deeply grieved by the reality of those who have given themselves over to evil, hatred, and harm. I am also horrified to discover these tendencies within myself.
Under the weight of all of this I have found myself collapsing into the belief that humans (all humans) carry imago dei, the Image of God. That in all our complexity; our beauty and brokenness, our loving and fighting, we reflect fragments of a good God. The glory of our original design peeks through the cracks of our messy lives. Regardless of your origin or your culture or your family or your beliefs, I believe you have the imprint of a creative, intelligent, relational, loving being. I believe the concepts of morals, justice, virtue, selflessness, loyalty, kindness, order, and art are evidence of something greater than a theory of chaos and luck.
As I hold this belief with open hands, I find myself growing in my capacity for love. I am humbled. I am slower to speak and eager to listen. While we may not agree on issues of importance, I still believe that you have immense dignity and value and that you are worthy of love and belonging. This core belief has fueled my purpose and hope during a heavy and painful season. I have begun to shift my attention from what is wrong with humanity to cherishing the beauty I see in others. To recognizing the goodness, the joy, the creativity, and the unconditional value.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there is no good God and no imago dei. But I believe that there is, and as a result of that belief I am discovering new levels of joy, freedom, life, hope, and purpose. I treasure the people in my life more. I cherish moments of connection, laughter, and love.
I encourage you to ponder what you believe and the results of those beliefs in your own life. I'm not asking you to believe like I do or to change your opinions. I am asking if you would be willing to join me in considering this complex life we have been given, in the hopes that you too will find solace in the chaos and hostility swirling around you.
With open hands and all my love,
Jo
