The struggle is real.
It amazes me how often I hear this phrase in one day. At work. At home. In my mind. From my own lips.
I try to tie my shoes and get tangled in the laces. The struggle is real.
I try to juggle far too many grocery bags while opening the front door. The struggle is real.
I can't open the pickle jar. The struggle is real.
But, this seemingly light and insignificant phrase has been ringing in the corridors of my busy mind lately. And you want to know something? It isn't always as comical as impossible pickle jars and tangled shoelaces.
Sometimes the struggle is too real.
Can we be too real?
I want to be real. I want to be genuine. I want to be authentic.
That sounds so nice.
I bet you would say the same.
Be yourself. Be honest. Don't hide the pain. Open up. Be vulnerable.
I mean, c'mon, denial, minimizing, unhealthy coping, self deception...these are not favorable attributes.
I'm learning how to be real with God. Ugly, snotty, angry, broken, weak...etc.
But when I am sobbing on the floor, allowing the real me to be exposed...Then what?
What happens after I'm real?
"Joanna, look at me."
If maintaining eye contact with my shoes was possible, I was well on my way to becoming a champ at sneaker etiquette.
"I need you to be honest."
An avalanche threatened to crash inside my chest. I clenched my jaw so that a quick flinch would be the only thing that escaped to the outside of me.
You would think the pressure from the command combined with the pressure within would be enough to break down my resolve. But to my own surprise, the walls refused to cave.
This one thought singed the back of my mind:
If you knew what was going on inside of me, you wouldn't tell me to be honest.
One day I woke up and the struggle wasn't just "real." It was hideously ugly, and too massive to hide.
In the horror of my exposure, I discovered something:
Being real doesn't fix anything.
Not. one. ugly. problem.
In fact, being honest has consistently made things uglier for me.
Well, thank you, Joanna, that was encouraging.
Uh huh. I feel your pain.
"Fine. You want the truth? I hate this! I wish it was different. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. And I hate it. I have tried to change and failed over and over again and I just don't care anymore. I'm too tired. I'm sick of facing this. So what am I supposed to do now? Huh? You have all the answers, right?"
Silence.
What a sick joke.
Sinking to the floor I held out empty hands.
"I don't have anything left, God. I just don't have anything left."
This is too real.
The world is crying out for people to be honest and real about the ugly. But "being real" only took me down a dead-end road where I found that my worst fear was true, and I was hopeless.
It was there, in the land of "too real" that I found the purpose of "being real"...Are you ready?
Honesty pulls the plug on my illusion of strength.
In my ugly mess, I find myself stripped of every option and solution my brilliantly confused mind has conjured up.
This is a beautiful place.
Why?
It's not because real is beautiful.
It's because that's where I learn that beautiful comes from Him, not me.
Be real, my friend.
Be ugly, gut-wrenching, tear-streaming, real.
But, once you get to the deep pit called real...don't despair there.
Your struggle might be too real for you, but it's not too real for God.
More than your no-make-up Monday, more than your sweaty gym shorts, more than your broken marriage and your wounded past. More than the struggle is real,
His very real feet walked the turf of our very real world. His very real hands touched the filthiest beggar and the ugliest sinner. His very real blood dripped down a very real cross.
If anyone is real, He is real.
I know that you are not interested in a God who is uninvolved, uninformed, and untrustworthy.
I'm not either.
I'm not a fake person, ok? I don't do fake. Inconsistency when it comes to hardcore life issues irritates me (my sock drawer is another story, don't judge).
Yes, I read my Bible and I pray and pretty much all the music I listen to has something to do with Jesus. But, can I be honest with you?
Most of the time my conversations with God are not sweet and angelic. I often read things in my Bible that bug me, confuse me, or sound stupid to me. I have a million questions and I trust God very little in comparison to how much I wish I trusted Him.
But I continue to pursue Him because I am desperate for something real. I am desperate for hope. I am desperate for purpose that is beyond a few short years of the mundane on this earth. I crave a real God.
Leading. Guiding. Instructing. Comforting. Helping. Supporting. Training. Encouraging. Counseling. Rescuing. Revealing. Interacting. Speaking. Loving. Pursuing. Transforming. Longing. Touching. Listening.
This is who He is.
I walked through the kitchen and felt a presence over my shoulder. A whisper in my heart saying "this is the way, walk in it."
I told Him I was terrified and felt His touch calm my heart, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with my eye upon you."
I handed a cup of coffee to a woman at the drive-through window last week who said her mother was dying, and my eyes stung with tears. "I'm making you like me," He said, and I felt His heartbeat.
I want you to know Him. I can't express to you how badly I want you to know Him.
I can talk and type until I'm blue in the face. You are the only one who can choose to believe Him when He says that He is real and that He is everything He claims to be.
Did you hear me?
You will never know how real He can be until you let your walls down and let Him in.
It's time to get out of your own way. It's time to quit.
Quit trying to make your reality feel less real. Quit trying to put a bandaid on a real gushing wound. Quit pretending that you can fix a problem that you have no real hope of fixing. Quit fighting Him.
He is real.
This is my challenge for you:
In this struggle called life, don't just get real.
Pick up a Bible. Ask the tough questions. Invite Him to show Himself to you.
And if that freaks you out, join the ranks! It is a terrifying thing to turn and face a real God.
Do it afraid.
You might not like what He has to say.
Listen anyway.
You might not like the pain that comes with the restoration He wants to do inside of you.
Don't run.
Be brave enough to face up to your real, even if it's real ugly.
And then, take it one step further...
Ask Him to be real to you there.
I dare you.
.
It's worth it.
Did I mention that it's worth it?
To experience Him as real is so worth it.
It amazes me how often I hear this phrase in one day. At work. At home. In my mind. From my own lips.
I try to tie my shoes and get tangled in the laces. The struggle is real.
I try to juggle far too many grocery bags while opening the front door. The struggle is real.
I can't open the pickle jar. The struggle is real.
But, this seemingly light and insignificant phrase has been ringing in the corridors of my busy mind lately. And you want to know something? It isn't always as comical as impossible pickle jars and tangled shoelaces.
Sometimes the struggle is too real.
Can we be too real?
I want to be real. I want to be genuine. I want to be authentic.
That sounds so nice.
I bet you would say the same.
Be yourself. Be honest. Don't hide the pain. Open up. Be vulnerable.
I mean, c'mon, denial, minimizing, unhealthy coping, self deception...these are not favorable attributes.
I'm learning how to be real with God. Ugly, snotty, angry, broken, weak...etc.
But when I am sobbing on the floor, allowing the real me to be exposed...Then what?
What happens after I'm real?
"Joanna, look at me."
If maintaining eye contact with my shoes was possible, I was well on my way to becoming a champ at sneaker etiquette.
"I need you to be honest."
An avalanche threatened to crash inside my chest. I clenched my jaw so that a quick flinch would be the only thing that escaped to the outside of me.
You would think the pressure from the command combined with the pressure within would be enough to break down my resolve. But to my own surprise, the walls refused to cave.
This one thought singed the back of my mind:
If you knew what was going on inside of me, you wouldn't tell me to be honest.
One day I woke up and the struggle wasn't just "real." It was hideously ugly, and too massive to hide.
In the horror of my exposure, I discovered something:
Being real doesn't fix anything.
Not. one. ugly. problem.
In fact, being honest has consistently made things uglier for me.
Well, thank you, Joanna, that was encouraging.
Uh huh. I feel your pain.
"Fine. You want the truth? I hate this! I wish it was different. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. And I hate it. I have tried to change and failed over and over again and I just don't care anymore. I'm too tired. I'm sick of facing this. So what am I supposed to do now? Huh? You have all the answers, right?"
Silence.
What a sick joke.
Sinking to the floor I held out empty hands.
"I don't have anything left, God. I just don't have anything left."
This is too real.
The world is crying out for people to be honest and real about the ugly. But "being real" only took me down a dead-end road where I found that my worst fear was true, and I was hopeless.
It was there, in the land of "too real" that I found the purpose of "being real"...Are you ready?
Honesty pulls the plug on my illusion of strength.
In my ugly mess, I find myself stripped of every option and solution my brilliantly confused mind has conjured up.
This is a beautiful place.
Why?
It's not because real is beautiful.
It's because that's where I learn that beautiful comes from Him, not me.
Be real, my friend.
Be ugly, gut-wrenching, tear-streaming, real.
But, once you get to the deep pit called real...don't despair there.
Your struggle might be too real for you, but it's not too real for God.
More than your no-make-up Monday, more than your sweaty gym shorts, more than your broken marriage and your wounded past. More than the struggle is real,
God is real.
His very real feet walked the turf of our very real world. His very real hands touched the filthiest beggar and the ugliest sinner. His very real blood dripped down a very real cross.
If anyone is real, He is real.
I know that you are not interested in a God who is uninvolved, uninformed, and untrustworthy.
I'm not either.
I'm not a fake person, ok? I don't do fake. Inconsistency when it comes to hardcore life issues irritates me (my sock drawer is another story, don't judge).
Yes, I read my Bible and I pray and pretty much all the music I listen to has something to do with Jesus. But, can I be honest with you?
Most of the time my conversations with God are not sweet and angelic. I often read things in my Bible that bug me, confuse me, or sound stupid to me. I have a million questions and I trust God very little in comparison to how much I wish I trusted Him.
But I continue to pursue Him because I am desperate for something real. I am desperate for hope. I am desperate for purpose that is beyond a few short years of the mundane on this earth. I crave a real God.
Leading. Guiding. Instructing. Comforting. Helping. Supporting. Training. Encouraging. Counseling. Rescuing. Revealing. Interacting. Speaking. Loving. Pursuing. Transforming. Longing. Touching. Listening.
This is who He is.
I walked through the kitchen and felt a presence over my shoulder. A whisper in my heart saying "this is the way, walk in it."
I told Him I was terrified and felt His touch calm my heart, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with my eye upon you."
I handed a cup of coffee to a woman at the drive-through window last week who said her mother was dying, and my eyes stung with tears. "I'm making you like me," He said, and I felt His heartbeat.
I want you to know Him. I can't express to you how badly I want you to know Him.
I can talk and type until I'm blue in the face. You are the only one who can choose to believe Him when He says that He is real and that He is everything He claims to be.
Did you hear me?
You will never know how real He can be until you let your walls down and let Him in.
Quit trying to make your reality feel less real. Quit trying to put a bandaid on a real gushing wound. Quit pretending that you can fix a problem that you have no real hope of fixing. Quit fighting Him.
He is real.
This is my challenge for you:
In this struggle called life, don't just get real.
Get real with Him.
Pick up a Bible. Ask the tough questions. Invite Him to show Himself to you.
And if that freaks you out, join the ranks! It is a terrifying thing to turn and face a real God.
Do it afraid.
You might not like what He has to say.
Listen anyway.
You might not like the pain that comes with the restoration He wants to do inside of you.
Don't run.
Be brave enough to face up to your real, even if it's real ugly.
And then, take it one step further...
Ask Him to be real to you there.
I dare you.
.
It's worth it.
Did I mention that it's worth it?
To experience Him as real is so worth it.
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