Will you indulge me?
I'm longing for joy. Craving it from a very deep place inside of me.
It's been a rough season.
And some days the waves of grief, fear, doubt, and discouragement threaten to completely drown me.
When will it stop hurting?
The night feels cold and long. I know that the morning light is coming, but it's hard to picture it right now. What does the sunrise look like, again? Remind me that dawn is certain.
I want to taste, see, and feel the good that I am told will come out of what has been bad.
Maybe this is just a little too honest to publish. But I know I'm not the only one who feels this way! So out of my determination to be honest, I want to share the truth of the burden of my journey.
I am weary.
And if you can relate, I hope that it somehow helps you feel less alone in yours. Because nobody should feel alone.
Today, joy is buried under a heavy mass of...who knows what.
So, I'd like to awaken joy. I'd like to dig it up. I'd like to remember again that my joy, though currently buried, is indeed still there.
Want to come along?
Here goes.
Summer is my favorite season. It's right around the corner. The sunshine soaks into my skin and I feel the warmth settle in me from the tip-top of my head all the way down to my toes. The colors outside are brilliant. The spring blossoms have a simple, effortless, beauty.
Flowers don't compare themselves like women do. They just bloom, declaring the diverse beauty of their Creator. I love that. I was once compelled to pick a white rose, and I heard my Savior say "You are beautiful to me."
Horse-crazy is a description that I will proudly claim. Burying my head in the tangled mane of a creature so perfectly displaying power and beauty is a wonderful place to be.
Money is just paper that has been assigned value. It makes me smile to think of all the ways I have found myself financially secure. An envelope in the mail, an extra shift at work, and the thoughtful gift from a friend that I would never buy for myself. These "little things" are evidence that I am in the classroom of truth, learning that God is a Provider.
I love my cat. Don't roll your eyes. I asked God "please" for a kitten, and my sassy, Siamese sweetheart plopped into my arms. And she cuddles with me at the end of every.single.day.
The text said: "You are precious." You know, the friend who just randomly thought of me on the toughest morning of my week.
The regular at Starbucks. Smiling from their car during a mid-morning rush, this customer always tells me that I'm doing a good job.
Oops. That phrase slipped out before my brain had finished editing the sentence structure and I'm pretty sure I need to review my ABC's. But it sure did make me laugh.
Laughter. Why do people laugh? It's kind of a strange sound if you think about it. And it's an even stranger feeling (if you really want to over-analyze it). But in spite of it's oddity, unexpected laughter is one of my dearest friends.
Music. Cheering, exhilarating, soothing, stirring me on a daily basis. I absolutely LOVE the unlimited wealth of music that I have access to.
Hot tea, a soft blanket, and an uplifting book.
Ice cream cones. And the ADORABLE little people struggling to catch the melting treasure as it escapes into their pajama sleeves.
Coconut scented lotion. Coconut scented everything. Come to think of it, pretty much anything with a wonderful scent. I get lost inside candle stores.
Book stores. Come to think of it, I get lost in there too. Or rather, my time gets lost in there.
Compassionate eyes. I like to search for them, like a treasure hunt. And I've found them staring back at me in the faces of strangers, acquaintances, and those special people who both know the ugliest parts of me and love me furiously.
Words that build up. The ones that breathe life and encouragement and truth into my soul. These ones always come from the pages of my Bible, often come from people, and occasionally well up inside my own mind. I love, love, love good words.
These are all things that I've fondly termed (are you ready?):
My joy is stirring. It's stirred by love.
I am so very loved.
And in spite of everything else under the sun; no one, and nothing, has been, or will be able to wrench that from my hands.
God is good.
God is good to me.
He awakens my joy.
My heart will sing again.
There's a smile touching my lips.
I'm longing for joy. Craving it from a very deep place inside of me.
It's been a rough season.
And some days the waves of grief, fear, doubt, and discouragement threaten to completely drown me.
When will it stop hurting?
The night feels cold and long. I know that the morning light is coming, but it's hard to picture it right now. What does the sunrise look like, again? Remind me that dawn is certain.
I want to taste, see, and feel the good that I am told will come out of what has been bad.
Maybe this is just a little too honest to publish. But I know I'm not the only one who feels this way! So out of my determination to be honest, I want to share the truth of the burden of my journey.
I am weary.
And if you can relate, I hope that it somehow helps you feel less alone in yours. Because nobody should feel alone.
Today, joy is buried under a heavy mass of...who knows what.
So, I'd like to awaken joy. I'd like to dig it up. I'd like to remember again that my joy, though currently buried, is indeed still there.
Want to come along?
Here goes.
---
Summer is my favorite season. It's right around the corner. The sunshine soaks into my skin and I feel the warmth settle in me from the tip-top of my head all the way down to my toes. The colors outside are brilliant. The spring blossoms have a simple, effortless, beauty.
Flowers don't compare themselves like women do. They just bloom, declaring the diverse beauty of their Creator. I love that. I was once compelled to pick a white rose, and I heard my Savior say "You are beautiful to me."
Horse-crazy is a description that I will proudly claim. Burying my head in the tangled mane of a creature so perfectly displaying power and beauty is a wonderful place to be.
Money is just paper that has been assigned value. It makes me smile to think of all the ways I have found myself financially secure. An envelope in the mail, an extra shift at work, and the thoughtful gift from a friend that I would never buy for myself. These "little things" are evidence that I am in the classroom of truth, learning that God is a Provider.
I love my cat. Don't roll your eyes. I asked God "please" for a kitten, and my sassy, Siamese sweetheart plopped into my arms. And she cuddles with me at the end of every.single.day.
The text said: "You are precious." You know, the friend who just randomly thought of me on the toughest morning of my week.
The regular at Starbucks. Smiling from their car during a mid-morning rush, this customer always tells me that I'm doing a good job.
Oops. That phrase slipped out before my brain had finished editing the sentence structure and I'm pretty sure I need to review my ABC's. But it sure did make me laugh.
Laughter. Why do people laugh? It's kind of a strange sound if you think about it. And it's an even stranger feeling (if you really want to over-analyze it). But in spite of it's oddity, unexpected laughter is one of my dearest friends.
Music. Cheering, exhilarating, soothing, stirring me on a daily basis. I absolutely LOVE the unlimited wealth of music that I have access to.
Hot tea, a soft blanket, and an uplifting book.
Ice cream cones. And the ADORABLE little people struggling to catch the melting treasure as it escapes into their pajama sleeves.
Coconut scented lotion. Coconut scented everything. Come to think of it, pretty much anything with a wonderful scent. I get lost inside candle stores.
Book stores. Come to think of it, I get lost in there too. Or rather, my time gets lost in there.
Compassionate eyes. I like to search for them, like a treasure hunt. And I've found them staring back at me in the faces of strangers, acquaintances, and those special people who both know the ugliest parts of me and love me furiously.
Words that build up. The ones that breathe life and encouragement and truth into my soul. These ones always come from the pages of my Bible, often come from people, and occasionally well up inside my own mind. I love, love, love good words.
---
These are all things that I've fondly termed (are you ready?):
Kisses from Jesus
(don't laugh at me, it a hard day).
As I listed them, it helped me feel better (though you may be severely bored at this point).
But, it also occurred to me that these things don't really "fix" the hard things in my life. And while they do bring moments of relief, this is the truth I've landed on.
Jesus.
All the things in my life that I am partial to, stir my affections for Him. Why? Because every.single.good.thing I mentioned is a whisper from Him to my weary heart. Every provision, every ounce of strength, every unexpected blessing, and every answered prayer is a gift from the Lover of my soul.
I love you, Joanna. I'm going to get you through this. And until you reach the other side of this valley, I will sustain you. Come curl up in my arms. Let me make you laugh again.
My joy is stirring. It's stirred by love.
I am so very loved.
And in spite of everything else under the sun; no one, and nothing, has been, or will be able to wrench that from my hands.
God is good.
God is good to me.
He awakens my joy.
My heart will sing again.
There's a smile touching my lips.
Where is that coming from?
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we
have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also
obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in
hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings,
knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character,
and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's
love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given
to us."
-Romans 5:1-5
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
-Psalm 126:5
But the righteous shall be glad;
they shall exult before God;
they shall be jubilant with joy!"
-Psalm 68:3
"Blessed be the Lord,
who daily bears us
up;
God is our
salvation.
Our God is a God of salvation,
and to God, the
Lord, belong deliverances from death."
-Psalm 68:19-20
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