wash it away

hey, it’s me again.
head down, shoulders weary
to You, I’ve come stumbling

I’m pleading for help

Crying familiar tears

Dirtied by my choices and wrestling old fears

I’m dripping with the sweat
of struggling too long
I feel filthy with sin that wasn’t even mine

The mud drips from my brow

What I touch becomes tainted

and this wasn’t my intention

I wanted to come to You clean
But this messy soul is hard to scrub

The ugly stains run deep
I can't run away, but just beyond reach

I wish I could say that I came straight to You
When I first noticed dirt on my shoes
But the truth is, I stalled for time
In that lonely, muddy room

I thought I could wipe it off quickly
...Before anyone knew
But my attempts smeared the walls
A pattern I already knew

It seems like an eternity
Of exhausting my ideas
Straining for solutions
Anxiety, frustration, pain, and confusion

When I finally stop the frenzy to gaze in the mirror
My lofty perception shatters
I realize there’s something I can’t fix
Though I’ve always tried to be the “fixer”

Dirt can’t wash away dirt
Death can’t produce life
Weariness can’t muster strength
And fears collide with faith

So, Abba, here I am
Brought to my knees here in the mud
Cold, afraid, and shivering
Drenched in a murky flood

I wish I could erase the memories

I wish I could go back

I wish I had known then, what I painfully know now

I wish they had known better

I wish I had cried out to You sooner

I wish…

…But I can’t wish away the mud

Can you hear me?
Do you see me?
I’m begging you, please!
Wash it away now

I want to be clean

Wash it away now
So I can dance in the light
Let your love splash my face
May your joy be my delight

Wash it away now
Soak me in Your grace
Drops of mercy pouring down
Refresh me in Your embrace

Wash it away now
Why wait?
Cleanse me of the pain
Erase every tear-streak

I want to be clean

I come to You finally
I fall at Your feet
So please, Abba, forgive!
Wash this off of me!

When I’ve run out of words

I lift my eyes to Your face

My gaze is met with steadfast love

And You don’t look away

Wrapped up in Your arms
I am hidden in You
I hear you whisper,
“Be clean, I’ve already cleansed you”

Nail scarred hands brush the dirt
Truth pierces where I can’t reach
I remember Who You are
And what You’ve done for me

Standing before you
Peace washes over me
But the tears keep on flowing
Into muddy puddles at my feet

With eyes locked on Yours
I feel clean from head to toe
But just to make sure, I glance down,
To see what You’ve made new

Disappointment and despair!
And now I’m confused
I thought you said I was clean!
But there’s still mud on my shoes!

“My child, look up
Keep your eyes on Me
It’s by faith you’re made clean
And I’m not finished yet”

With that, You kiss my forehead
Wipe the tears from my cheeks
And though I feel vulnerable
I choose to trust love and receive

Then You stoop to wash my feet
And the surrender hurts my pride
But I’d rather have You
Than the others methods I’ve tried

For now, the task is done
Once again, You made me clean
“Don’t stray too far, My love
And next time, run back to Me”

I would promise to do better
To try harder; to stay clean
But we both know that won’t happen
After all, this is me

Head down, I turn to leave
“Wait, before you go,”
You tuck a towel in my grasp
“I have a special work for you.”

In disbelief, I question bluntly
“Are you kidding? Are you blind?
I was filthy, I was ugly!
How could you possibly choose me?”

“Look outside, can you see them?

Shivering, cold, afraid

Muddied by their choices

Hiding from the pain”

I look into their eyes
Like You, I can’t look away
My tears match their own
Heart quickened by familiar grief

Suddenly, waves of understanding
The shame, confusion, frustration
I’m not alone in the struggle
Like me, they need compassion

Years they wish to erase
Exhausted by failed attempts
Muddied walls everywhere
And no solution in sight

“Will you be my hands, daughter?

Will you stoop to wash their feet?

So they can learn to trust My love,

So they can dance in the light?”

Wash it away now

I’ve shared My heart with you

Instead of scoffing and criticizing

Share the grace I’ve given you

Wash it away now

Freely give what I have offered

Pour out mercy on their mess

Wrap them in My embrace

Because you know that muddy room,

Loving them will be painful

But, be patient with the stains

For every moment I have been patient with you 

Don’t forget Who I am

When you are tempted to give up

Your job is not to “fix it” 

But to pour out my love

Wash it away

Bathe with gentleness and patience

Let kindness be your response

To the mud on their face

I want to cleanse them too!

And when once again, your feet are muddied

And when you’ve chosen that room

When you feel filthy and ugly

Let them pour My love out on you

Rejoice, little one!
For there's no stain too deep

And no sin too ugly

No shame too strong

To wash it away

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God,rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, “Not all of you are clean.”

When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them."

-John 13:1-17