oxygen.

Sometimes simple concepts astound me. Like this one: 

"Breathing is important."

Forgive me for being so elementary, but this one thought has been occupying my mind for the past week.

You don't dare argue the importance of it. 

Everyone knows that we need it desperately. 

Survival is impossible without constant, consistent breathing.

I feel my heart beating in my chest. I consider the oxygen flowing through my veins.

I take a deep breath and I feel it fill my lungs. It's reviving. It's life. 

There's a lot of things that I over analyze, but I don't usually spend intellectual energy on breathing. It's either a choice on my part to ponder it for fun, or it's requirement when I've reached the end of myself.

When I'm running hard uphill, it takes all my concentration to just keep breathing.

When a tidal wave of emotion knocks the wind out of me, it takes effort to just keep breathing. 

When I'm relaxed and at rest, it never crosses my mind to just keep breathing. 

But no matter how mundane, effortless, or difficult it becomes, the importance of oxygen remains. 

If I quit breathing, I will find myself in a crisis. It's one of those realities that I can't change. 

So being the everything-has-meaning person that I am.....I discovered an analogy.

Truth. 

Truth is my oxygen. It's my lifeline. 

I cannot function without truth seeping into every area of my heart. When the flow of truth is interrupted I feel the threat of death. When I exchange the truth for a lie, it's almost like a piece of me dies. 

But when the truth triumphs over the lie, I'm am filled with life I didn't know existed. There are parts of me, long ignored or forgotten, that the truth revives. 

My need for truth never changes. It's constant. 

I need to know that I am loved. I need to know that I am significant. I need to know that my worth is not based on my performance. I need to know that God cares for me. I need to know that He is good.  

Truths puts my heart at rest. This is where I find peace. This is where I discover joy. 

I have stumbled through life based on the lies that I am unlovable, insignificant, and my value as a person hinges on how well I can perform. I can testify to the fact that those beliefs produce death. 

The fact that I am still alive is proof that the truth is life giving. 

The sad thing is that even while the lies were killing me, I clung to them. 

It's like offering an oxygen mask to someone and having them respond by shoving it away. What do you do with that? It goes against all logic and reason.

Why? I don't know. Maybe it's because sometimes the truth hurts. It's hard to admit that you were wrong. It's hard to let down the walls of self protection when you've been hurt in the past. It's hard to choose truth when everything inside of you and around you screams the opposite. It's hard to choose truth when you're afraid that it will let you down. Disappointment is hard to bear. 

It's humbling to admit that I don't always like, feel, or intellectually agree with the truth. 

Sometimes I look at the uphill in front of me and instead of grabbing a hold of the truth, I'd really like to just turn around and walk away. 

Sometimes I love the truth. It washes over me. I rejoice in it and find a happiness that I can't explain or fully express. It's beautiful.

Regardless of how I feel in the moment about the truth, it remains constant. 

I can't argue my need for it.

I know that I need it desperately. 

So, when believing the truth feels effortless, I will enjoy it. 

When believing the truth feels impossible, I will cling to it. 

I will speak it out loud. I will repeat it over and over again. I will shout it in my car. I will sing it at the top of my lungs. I will invite it to crash over me and consume me. 

It's my oxygen. 

I breathe it in. I feel it coursing through my veins. 

And I am thankful. I am so so thankful. I am thankful for this life. The true life. 

"be attentive to my words;

    incline your ear to my sayings.

Let them not escape from your sight;

    keep them within your heart.

For they are life to those who find them,

    and healing to all their flesh."

-Proverbs 4:20-22

"He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."

-Psalm 107:20

"I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have given me life. I am yours, save me for I have sought your precepts."

-Psalm 119:33-34

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Through your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

-Psalm 119:103-105

"Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them. The unfolding of your word gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple."

-Psalm 119:129-130