legacy.

I can see you now

Standing in the waiting room

Seconds ticking by

In moments, I'd meet you

Did I worry you much?

When my arrival was too soon?

What went through your mind

When my tiny hand, you touched?

You had a life so full

And mine only just begun

You welcomed me home

And you whispered "You belong"

One day eclipsed by many

And the time marched on

Life accelerated

For your tiny little one

I wonder, did you beg

For some long days to pass quickly?

Or did you feel them fly

And wish for moments to tarry?

What did you dream for me

When I had yet to gain my own?

And what prayers passed your lips

With my name the category?

I didn't realize, I never knew

The cost that became Me

When you set aside yourself

And set me on your knee

Through the seasons, I grew taller

Independent and smarter

Living life through my own eyes

But still your very own daughter

The way you walked and talked

The way you loved, and battles you fought

These imprinted on my mind

I was influenced as well as taught

Studious and observant

You were my fascination

My heart knit to yours

By God's imagination

I have your eyes

Your love for words

And your subtle, funny quirks

Love it or hate it

It's obvious, I'm yours

Far from perfection

Mistakes made were common

But if a heart could be measured

Yours would outweigh them

The best gift you gave me

Was the gift of yourself

Your own life invested

In my success, In my health

On the sunniest days

Sharing joy and laughing hard

I cherish sweet memories

Family heirlooms in my heart

Your weakness, your faults

Made sufficient by grace

Where you just weren't enough

You pointed me towards His face

And there I found Him

Don't you see?

I was prepped for success

Through your example

Of rare humility

His hands and feet

Unconditional love

One step at a time

Supporting me on the journey

Holding tight

Grace to show

Praying hard

Letting go

This is where my heart struggles to express

How much it meant to me

To watch you keep on loving Him

Through the ugly and the mess

This human legacy

Broken and bittersweet

Your two lives tied together

In the hands of His Majesty

On the good days and the bad

One thing never changed

"He is with us" you said,

And steady faith remained

A legacy is learned

For everyone, inevitable

Passed on and played out

Life after life unfolds

What you hold is what you were given

Good or bad

It's yours the same

Formed by another's decisions

Yours was interrupted

By a beautiful adoption

His children now

Fresh legacy bestowed

Beloved, chosen

Treasured, transformed

Accepted, fulfilled

Vessels of hope and redemption

The legacy I have

Is the legacy you gave

I hold it with open hands

And I praise the One who saves

So hear me out, mom and dad

From the tippy top of my head

To the bottom of my heart

And every mushy sentimental feeling in between

Thank you for this legacy

It's one I wouldn't trade

Because now, redemption is my story

And your own paved the way

meet me here.

When anger drowns out reason

When unbelief is a season

When my own strength is spent

Meet me here

When arrogance has burned me

When deception has cloaked me

When I'm totally confused

Meet me here

When selfishness has conquered love

When I doubt that You're enough

When I don't care anymore

Meet me here 

When I push you away

When I've run headlong astray

When I stumble...and then fall

Meet me here

When fear overwhelms

When it hurts like hell

When my hope flickers dim

Meet me here

When apathy reigns 

When I refuse to change

When my pride tunes you out

Meet me here

When I'm swimming upstream

When it's harder than I dreamed

When I just give up

Meet me here

Meet me here where no one else will

Meet me here where no one else can

Meet me here to wash away shame

Meet me here and take me by the hand

Meet me here, 

Then, please God, 

Lead me out. 

I don't want to stay here

But I can't find my way out

My heart feels so raw

So can I give you my doubt?

If you can't meet me

Then what am I to do?

This is one big mess

And my only hope is You

I've tried every wrong turn

I've come back empty and hurt

So will you bind up my wounds?

Will you mend my heart?

"Trust me," You say

And I don't understand

Why I can't feel you here

Where I need you the most

So I pound empty fists

I declare You are good

It's not pious or pretty

It's just all that I've got

This I call to mind

Past times I groped for hope

You did meet me there

Where I needed you the most

So now I choose to believe

Though it's far from my heart

I stake my claim on truth

I believe you'll meet me in the dark

Someday, here will be there

In my journey's tale

And I'll turn my head and laugh

For every moment of doubt

"You met me There,

So Here I'll trust you again"

Sweet victory recorded

How my Shepherd led me out

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him,

To all who call on Him in truth" 

- Psalm 145:18

"This I call to mind, and thereford I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

His mercies never come to an end

They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.

'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul

'Therefore, I will hope in Him'

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

To the soul who seeks Him"

- Lamentations 3:21-25

lonely.

It's that feeling

The one we run from

The empty cavern

We labor to fill

We drown it out

We turn away

Numb the pain

Ignore until

In the silence

We've acquired 

Something dies

Deep inside us

We can survive

But never thrive

With hearts hidden

Underneath a performance

Pretend away

It must be something else

Hunger

Exhaustion

Boredom

Or irritation

We lose ourselves

Exploring explainations

Something's missing

This I know

In my familiar mess

Please tell me I'm not alone

In my own loneliness

I have a hunch

Have you felt it too?

Surrounded by loved ones

Or alone in your room?

It aches

Demands a voice

Cries out 

Takes many forms

You may be timid

Bold and boisterous

Confident, or insecure

Lonely masked is lonely still

Just the same

We have this sickness

And we scrounge to find the cure

Don't believe me?

Put it to the test

Turn off your phone

Steal away

Let your many faces rest

In the stillness

Who are you? 

When all is said and done

Without your labels

Without your efforts

Do you matter to anyone?

Your family maybe

Friends surely care

But your heart beats

For so much more

The thoughts you think

The hurt you hide

The happiness you keep untold

Do you feel understood?

To be yourself

To just let down

To kick back

And know for sure

That to someone

You matter

Even behind closed doors

In apathy, in laziness

In passion, and in your dreams

In secrets kept, and secrets shared

In memories of mistakes you never told

In silence and expression

In victory and in defeat

In ambition and disappointment

Do you feel seen?

Fully known and fully loved

In the pretty and the ugly 

And the tidy and the muddy

Does anyone get me?

These are my tears in the night

The longing buried inside me

No significant other

No closest best friend

No success at work

Or goal met at the gym

Can satisfy my heart

Or fill me up to the brim

So, forgive my fairy tale confession

But, I need true love

I'm hungry for unconditional

It's my one need in disguise

Catching whiffs here and there

So often chasing lies

See, we search everything in sight

Hoping something holds the key

Enough evidence to drive us

But the source eludes our eyes

Will you imagine with me?

Will you dare to dream?

That your longing could be filled

By a source that you can't see?

An available connection

Night and day, Rain and shine

Affirmation that stays steady

Love that stands the test of time

Never abusive

Never selfish

Never distant

Or uninvolved

Never destrucitive

Never distracted

Never unconcerned

Or far off

Love that's untainted

Innocent and unspoiled

By the sharing of my heart

By the messiness of life

By the confusion of my mind

By the dirtiest secret

By the real me unveiled

By my greatest weakness

My heart is drenched

Satisfied

Put to rest

Full of peace

To think that I am loved

By one who really knows me

And not just loved

But by my side

This one promised to never leave

I feel the presence in my room

Strong arms envelope me

In the dark alone in bed

Nightmares trying to rob sleep

In the car on my way home

A rough day inside my head

In the personal victory

Significant to nobody but me

This is where I'm found

By a wonderful Somebody

It's simple

Though not easy

To open up my mouth

To call the name

To trust that I am heard

To believe that nothing's changed

To stake my claim upon this love

Even though I feel lonely

Still there

Still willing

Still safe

Still loving

"Trust Me" touches my ears

When I pause to listen

"You're not alone" calms my fears

Truth amidst my commotion 

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever more." 

- Psalm 16:11

"As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake I shall be satisfied with your likeness." 

- Psalm 17:15

"For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things." - Psalm 107:9

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." 

- Philippians 4:19

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me shall never hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst." 

- John 6:35

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

- Psalm 23:1