Saturday, December 26, 2015

legacy.

I can see you now
Standing in the waiting room
Seconds ticking by
In moments, I'd meet you

Did I worry you much?
When my arrival was too soon?
What went through your mind
When my tiny hand, you touched?

You had a life so full
And mine only just begun
You welcomed me home
And you whispered "You belong"

One day eclipsed by many
And the time marched on
Life accelerated
For your tiny little one

I wonder, did you beg
For some long days to pass quickly?
Or did you feel them fly
And wish for moments to tarry?

What did you dream for me
When I had yet to gain my own?
And what prayers passed your lips
With my name the category?

I didn't realize, I never knew
The cost that became Me
When you set aside yourself
And set me on your knee

Through the seasons, I grew taller
Independent and smarter
Living life through my own eyes
But still your very own daughter

The way you walked and talked
The way you loved, and battles you fought
These imprinted on my mind
I was influenced as well as taught

Studious and observant
You were my fascination
My heart knit to yours
By God's imagination

I have your eyes
Your love for words
And your subtle, funny quirks
Love it or hate it
It's obvious, I'm yours

Far from perfection
Mistakes made were common
But if a heart could be measured
Yours would outweigh them

The best gift you gave me
Was the gift of yourself
Your own life invested
In my success, In my health

On the sunniest days
Sharing joy and laughing hard
I cherish sweet memories
Family heirlooms in my heart

Your weakness, your faults
Made sufficient by grace
Where you just weren't enough
You pointed me towards His face

And there I found Him
Don't you see?
I was prepped for success
Through your example
Of rare humility

His hands and feet
Unconditional love
One step at a time
Supporting me on the journey

Holding tight
Grace to show
Praying hard
Letting go

This is where my heart struggles to express
How much it meant to me
To watch you keep on loving Him
Through the ugly and the mess

This human legacy
Broken and bittersweet
Your two lives tied together
In the hands of His Majesty

On the good days and the bad
One thing never changed
"He is with us" you said,
And steady faith remained

A legacy is learned
For everyone, inevitable
Passed on and played out
Life after life unfolds

What you hold is what you were given
Good or bad
It's yours the same
Formed by another's decisions

Yours was interrupted
By a beautiful adoption
His children now
Fresh legacy bestowed

Beloved, chosen
Treasured, transformed
Accepted, fulfilled
Vessels of hope and redemption

The legacy I have
Is the legacy you gave
I hold it with open hands
And I praise the One who saves

So hear me out, mom and dad
From the tippy top of my head
To the bottom of my heart
And every mushy sentimental feeling in between

Thank you for this legacy
It's one I wouldn't trade
Because now, redemption is my story
And your own paved the way


Monday, December 14, 2015

meet me here.

When anger drowns out reason
When unbelief is a season
When my own strength is spent
Meet me here

When arrogance has burned me
When deception has cloaked me
When I'm totally confused
Meet me here

When selfishness has conquered love
When I doubt that You're enough
When I don't care anymore
Meet me here 

When I push you away
When I've run headlong astray
When I stumble...and then fall
Meet me here

When fear overwhelms
When it hurts like hell
When my hope flickers dim
Meet me here

When apathy reigns 
When I refuse to change
When my pride tunes you out
Meet me here

When I'm swimming upstream
When it's harder than I dreamed
When I just give up
Meet me here

Meet me here where no one else will
Meet me here where no one else can
Meet me here to wash away shame
Meet me here and take me by the hand

Meet me here
Then, please God, 
Lead me out. 

I don't want to stay here
But I can't find my way out
My heart feels so raw
So can I give you my doubt?

If you can't meet me
Then what am I to do?
This is one big mess
And my only hope is You

I've tried every wrong turn
I've come back empty and hurt
So will you bind up my wounds?
Will you mend my heart?

"Trust me," You say
And I don't understand
Why I can't feel you here
Where I need you the most

So I pound empty fists
I declare You are good
It's not pious or pretty
It's just all that I've got

This I call to mind
Past times I groped for hope
You did meet me there
Where I needed you the most

So now I choose to believe
Though it's far from my heart
I stake my claim on truth
I believe you'll meet me in the dark

Someday, here will be there
In my journey's tale
And I'll turn my head and laugh
For every moment of doubt

"You met me There,
So Here I'll trust you again"
Sweet victory recorded
How my Shepherd led me out





"The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
To all who call on Him in truth" 
- Psalm 145:18

"This I call to mind, and thereford I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness.
'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul
'Therefore, I will hope in Him'
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him"
- Lamentations 3:21-25


Wednesday, December 2, 2015

lonely.

It's that feeling
The one we run from
The empty cavern
We labor to fill
We drown it out
We turn away
Numb the pain
Ignore until

In the silence
We've acquired 
Something dies
Deep inside us
We can survive
But never thrive
With hearts hidden
Underneath a performance

Pretend away
It must be something else
Hunger
Exhaustion
Boredom
Or irritation
We lose ourselves
Exploring explainations

Something's missing
This I know
In my familiar mess
Please tell me I'm not alone
In my own loneliness
I have a hunch
Have you felt it too?
Surrounded by loved ones
Or alone in your room?

It aches
Demands a voice
Cries out 
Takes many forms
You may be timid
Bold and boisterous
Confident, or insecure
Lonely masked is lonely still

Just the same
We have this sickness
And we scrounge to find the cure
Don't believe me?
Put it to the test
Turn off your phone
Steal away
Let your many faces rest

In the stillness
Who are you? 
When all is said and done
Without your labels
Without your efforts
Do you matter to anyone?

Your family maybe
Friends surely care
But your heart beats
For so much more
The thoughts you think
The hurt you hide
The happiness you keep untold
Do you feel understood?

To be yourself
To just let down
To kick back
And know for sure
That to someone
You matter
Even behind closed doors

In apathy, in laziness
In passion, and in your dreams
In secrets kept, and secrets shared
In memories of mistakes you never told
In silence and expression
In victory and in defeat
In ambition and disappointment
Do you feel seen?

Fully known and fully loved
In the pretty and the ugly 
And the tidy and the muddy
Does anyone get me?
These are my tears in the night
The longing buried inside me

No significant other
No closest best friend
No success at work
Or goal met at the gym
Can satisfy my heart
Or fill me up to the brim
So, forgive my fairy tale confession
But, I need true love

I'm hungry for unconditional
It's my one need in disguise
Catching whiffs here and there
So often chasing lies
See, we search everything in sight
Hoping something holds the key
Enough evidence to drive us
But the source eludes our eyes

Will you imagine with me?
Will you dare to dream?
That your longing could be filled
By a source that you can't see?
An available connection
Night and day, Rain and shine
Affirmation that stays steady
Love that stands the test of time

Never abusive
Never selfish
Never distant
Or uninvolved
Never destrucitive
Never distracted
Never unconcerned
Or far off

Love that's untainted
Innocent and unspoiled
By the sharing of my heart
By the messiness of life
By the confusion of my mind
By the dirtiest secret
By the real me unveiled
By my greatest weakness

My heart is drenched
Satisfied
Put to rest
Full of peace
To think that I am loved
By one who really knows me

And not just loved
But by my side
This one promised to never leave
I feel the presence in my room
Strong arms envelope me

In the dark alone in bed
Nightmares trying to rob sleep
In the car on my way home
A rough day inside my head
In the personal victory
Significant to nobody but me
This is where I'm found
By a wonderful Somebody

It's simple
Though not easy
To open up my mouth
To call the name
To trust that I am heard
To believe that nothing's changed
To stake my claim upon this love
Even though I feel lonely

Still there
Still willing
Still safe
Still loving

"Trust Me" touches my ears
When I pause to listen
"You're not alone" calms my fears
Truth amidst my commotion 





"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever more." 
- Psalm 16:11

"As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake I shall be satisfied with your likeness." 
- Psalm 17:15

"For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things." - Psalm 107:9

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." 
- Philippians 4:19

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me shall never hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst." 
- John 6:35

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."
- Psalm 23:1