run with me.

“Just breathe, you’re almost done.”

My feet pound the pavement on a hot sunny day. The melting tar crackles under my shoes. One minute left and then I can walk again, cool off, stretch.

I grit my teeth, close my eyes, and mutter, “Run with me, God! I need you to run with me!”

Instantly an image flashes through my mind.

My Savior laughs and says, “No my child, you run with Me.”

Instead of the long hot road ahead of me, we’re running through a beautiful place near a waterfall. I hold His hand tightly and put my feet where He steps. We’re leaping over rocks and splashing through the cool river. Every time I stumble, His strong arms hold me. We climb trees and mountains and wander through beautiful underground caves. All the while, His light guides me. Around every corner there is a new and exciting experience. Danger lurks and I’m afraid, but His steady voice leads me ever forward. We’re on our way to His home, and He knows how to safely maneuver every step.

He knows every twist and turn. Most importantly, He knows me.

“BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!”

It’s been one minute.

I open my eyes and see the long road ahead of me. The sun beats on my back and a sharp pain shoots up the back of my legs. I slow to a walk and decide,

I want to run with Jesus.

Note: I wrote this in my journal towards the end of summer 2013. It was a very dark and painful season of my life, but even then, God was pursing me. Looking back at this journal entry, I smile because of how very real this picture has, and continues to, become in my life. God is good to me. Now, jogging is not only an activity that I enjoy, I've had many sweet conversations with my Savior while I'm out in the beauty of His world! #redemptionforthewin.

In just 12 days I will be participating in the Run4Mercy 5K and Family Walk to celebrate the freedom I've found from the life controlling issues of an eating disorder, self harm, suicidal thoughts, and depression. I'm looking forward to running with Jesus. Are you interested in joining my team? I'd love to have your prayers, encouragement, presence, financial support, or all of the above for the day of the run!

For more information visit my personal support profile:
http://www.runformercy.org/site/TR/Run/RunforMercy?px=1284107&pg=personal&fr_id=1820

another step.

I put in my headphones and tuned out the world
Excitement fueled my stride as I took to the road
I felt the stress slide off my shoulders
The tension slipped away
Thank you, Jesus for providing a beautiful day

I’ve always liked adventure
Or, so that’s what I’ve claimed
Through steady breathing I whisper
C’mon Lord, I’m ready, lead the way!

With Your praises on my tongue
With love rooted in my heart
I feel confident, secure and strong
Thinking to myself, a perfect start

“Step, step” is the rhythm
God, you are so good!
My arms swing to the beat
Music playing joy's anthem on repeat

Thoughts wander to my day
To my life, To my heart
My smile fades away
And lines of worry take it’s place

I could have done better
Tried harder, Spoke sweeter
I could have loved You more
Paid more attention to Your leading

Shoes on the pavement suddenly sound annoying
I check my pace
Slower than normal
And the discouragement is settling

Jesus, help me! I need you!
I don’t want to keep going
The road is so long
And I’m so afraid of stumbling

Each step feels like failure
I’m tired
This isn’t fun
I don’t know what you want from me
But I’m ready to be done

“Trust Me,” You say
Just take another step
You don’t know what’s ahead
Please, let Me lead the way

Choosing trust instead of doubt
Relief boosts my stride
Thank you, Father for loving me
My mind calms as I abide

For an hour I’ve been running
Or at least that’s how it feels
I look down and start to wonder
Would this be easier with new shoes?

Mile one slips into the past
And I reach for encouragement
Considering your words
To Your strong hand I hold fast

The road begins to climb
But my pace remains steady
Up ahead I spot another
She’s out running just like me

But wait, we aren’t the same
She’s built for speed
Her strides are long
And suddenly, I feel quite slow

Before I know it I’ve evaluated her
Looked her up and down, head to toe
I kick it up a notch
In my subconscious, a new goal

“Don’t sprint,” You say
Just take another step
You don’t know what’s ahead
Please, let Me lead the way

Choosing to ignore instead of heeding You
Competition boosts my stride
Father, look what I can do!
I’ve gained a lot of ground (Well, isn’t that true?)

The hill continues to climb
The top is out of sight
My legs begin to burn
I’m irritated with my lack of might

C’mon, Jo! You can do this!
Chiding weakness within
I coax myself to keep pushing
"You’re stronger! You can win!"

Rounding the corner, Miss Competition is gone
But the hill just keeps climbing
As if my headphones became muted
I no longer hear joy themed songs

I don’t think I can do this
The frustration burns my eyes
Like a cold, sudden downpour
Fear seeps right through my skin

“Will you trust Me?” You say
Just take another step
You don’t know what’s ahead
Please, let Me lead the way

Choosing faith to fuel my strength
Hope compels my stride
Painfully slow, but it’s steady
I begin up the incline

But halfway, that’s it
I’m done
I don’t have one more breath
Sorry, God,

I won’t take another step.

In a heap along the road
I decide to sit
I’m angry and I’m cold
Most of all, I’m disappointed

This isn’t what I thought when You said,
Will You run with Me?
I’ve done my best, can’t you see?
And it’s just not worth it!

On the other side of that hill
I know there is probably another
And what if it's too big!?
I don't have strength to muster

I might slip and fall
Or veer off into the ditch
You don't understand!
What if I can't finish?

I look foolish, I know
So please don’t tell me how I’m wrong
My mind swimming with despair
Silence blankets my praise songs

Abba, where are You?
Tears falling in the rain
I don’t know what to do
Nothing feels the same

Your arms wrap around me
We sit beside the road
Baby, girl, remember?
I said it’s OK to go slow.

“Trust Me” You say
Just take another step
You don’t know what’s ahead
So, let Me lead the way

On my feet again
You lift my chin and brush me off
At my own immaturity
Escapes a sorry sounding laugh

Come to think of it
Haven’t I seen this hill before?
Another time, another place?
None of this is new with YouStruggle, elation, victory, and pain

Circling my mountain
I look up to seek Your face
Calling to mind reasons I love you
God, I stand amazed

You are so good!
Praise slips from my lips
Your patience astounds me
Mercy heals me
and Grace builds confidence

I run to You and for You
I run with You, my Lord
Humbled again by who You are
The original goal restored

Choosing to believe You
Another step is all I can do
But it’s all You’ve asked of me
So yes, Lord, I trust You

Letting go of false perfection
Burned by my own control
Each step moves me closer
But there’s a long way to go

Up ahead in my run
The road is winding to who knows where
Another step that I don’t want to take
So, can consistency become new shoes for my feet?

Will You help me? I keep asking
Will you trust Me? You reply
And so we’ll continue
Till I’ve crossed the finish line

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” -Hebrews 12:1-3

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” -Romans 5:1-5

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” -James 1:2-4

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 3:8-14

show me.

Sinking into my seat
I breathed out a sigh
Discouraged, definitely
Enthusiasm deflated
And frustration spoke its piece

“God, if only I could say it
In a way they’d understand
If only they would get it
If they’d reach out
And take Your hand

I could shout it from the rooftop
I could scream it in their ear
It’s funny how people listen
But they don’t actually hear

Years of walls fortified
Layers of defenses
Brick by brick laid to rest
Refuse to come undone
In one monumental day.”

My heart swelled to bursting
My tears flowed freely
I had seen pain in cold, hard eyes
Masked by years of pretending

Alive in pulse only
In reality numb
Dead to truly feeling
Who could blame them?
Surely not me
Once queen of pretending

“I guess it hurts so much,”
I whispered in the calm of the storm
“Because I know the truth…
The deepest fears
Meet their match
Faced head on with You”

“Come here, child”
Becoming still to draw near,
At His voice I halted
“I’d like to give you a voice
But first, lend me your ear:

I know your dreams
I see your goals
Your desires are not foreign
But before you take flight
I need to warn you of a danger

In your pursuit to make Me known
Don’t to Me become a stranger

You want to be great
Get ‘big things’ done for Me
You want to be remembered
As bowing humbly at My feet

Set the world on fire
With a passion for My name
Sacrifice your comfort
In bringing Me fame

These things are not wrong
I love your passion
And your zeal makes Me smile
But acts of service for Me
Without intimacy
Don’t go one single mile

Do you really want to show Me?
To a world broken by pain?
Then come here
Get to know Me
You won’t walk away unchanged

How can you expect to show them
The truth, the life, the way
Without these essential needs
Met in your own day?

Don’t be too busy for Me
And then their burdens
Take time to carry
That isn’t what I meant
When I said “Come to Me
Those who are weary”

Whose disciple were you first?
Have you forgotten you have cares?
Don’t be afraid to cast your burdens
I’m not a God of the masses
I’m the God who meets you here

Show them!
Show them who I am!
A Good Father
Faithful Lover
and Intimate Friend

Full of kindness
Always perfect
Despising evil
Bringing justice
Delighting in the truth

You are right, little one
They desperately need to know me
But don’t get out it out of order
Come to Me first
Say “Abba, show me!”

His voice was gentle, but firm
It took my breath away
And it struck me how easy
To let this one truth Slip away

All the sudden, clarity
The value realized at once
Not one moment in the stillness
Not one lonely prayer wasted
Investing in our relationship
Is of utmost importance

No higher cause
No greater deed
Than to pour my love on Him
He get my best and my all
My heart belongs to Him

Fresh tears streaked my face
My eyes lit with understanding
My heart stirred by desperation

“I do long to show them who You are
But more than that, I want to know You
So will you show me who You are?
Just like them,


I need to know You”

"Be still and know that I am God"-Psalm 46:10

"Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." -John 17:3

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." -John 15:4-5

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—  just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep." -John 10:14-15

 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." -Mark 12:14-15

"...you have perseverance and have endured for My name's sake, and have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

'Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first..." -Revelation 2:3-5

"No longer will they teach their neighbor,

or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’

because they will all know me,

from the least of them to the greatest.

For I will forgive their wickedness

and will remember their sins no more.”
-Hebrews 8:11-12